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Embracing the Mess

by Emily Phifer, M.S. MFT Adjusting Your Background Living through this pandemic has brought new meaning to the concept of work-life balance, and the conundrum therein.  If you’ve ever found yourself hurriedly relocating piles of folded (or heaped) laundry off the bed to ready your “background” before an impending zoom meeting, you know what I’m talking about. For all of us, pandemic life has required rearranging our lives, shifting priorities, pivoting our operations, adjusting our family life and flexing our professional work environments. Wizards Behind the Curtain As I recently hefted my own laundry...

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When in Doubt, Try Kindness

By Emily Phifer, M.S. MFT Be Kind Many of us have heard the saying, “Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”, attributed to Scottish minister, Ian Maclaren. But even if we’ve heard this message in the past, it bears repeating. How often do we gain an insight or learn a life lesson only to promptly forget it and go on with our lives, until we are faced with the same learning opportunity, yet again? We are all lifelong learners in this regard.    Pandemic Ripple Effects   So too are we still learning...

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The “Highlight Reel” Pitfall

By Emily Phifer, M.S. MFT Getting Likes Social media at its best can be terrific. We keep up with friends and social groups, follow our interests, and utilize platforms for professional development. But in these settings, we understandably--and most often-- tend to highlight our accomplishments, our shining moments, our best sides, and our wisest insights. Plus, whenever we get “likes”, we simultaneously get a strong hit of dopamine, the chemical neurotransmitter in the brain associated with stimulating our neurological pleasure center- because, well, we’re liked! And we like feeling good. The Highlight Reel The...

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BLACK SHEEP: When you’re the only one in your family who’s ready to heal

By Natashia Saunders, MFT Trainee   Let’s face it, breaking harmful generational patterns in your family is hard. It feels like they might break you before you break them. The boundaries you’re setting with family—even the ones you announce nicely—are offending people. But you don’t want to divorce your family. Or do you? Well, let’s be honest, you’ve been thinking about it, but you keep coming back to your bottom line: They’re my family.    But something needs to give, right? To change. Your family can change for the better, can’t they?   Wouldn’t life and...

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Work in Progress

By Emily Phifer, M.S. MFT   When I was younger, I held tightly to a beloved illusion that at some point in my life, I would reach a “settled place”. There I would reside, with a steady job and life situation, all loose ends tied up, issues resolved, and a comfortable homeostasis surrounding me like a warm blanket. Of course, more years of life quickly cleared up that illusion, replacing it with the hardwon reality that life is anything but settled or static.    People I love have died before their time, I’ve survived...

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