The “Highlight Reel” Pitfall
By Emily Phifer, M.S. MFT
Getting Likes
Social media at its best can be terrific. We keep up with friends and social groups, follow our interests, and utilize platforms for professional development. But in these settings, we understandably–and most often– tend to highlight our accomplishments, our shining moments, our best sides, and our wisest insights. Plus, whenever we get “likes”, we simultaneously get a strong hit of dopamine, the chemical neurotransmitter in the brain associated with stimulating our neurological pleasure center- because, well, we’re liked! And we like feeling good.
The Highlight Reel
The draw of sharing ourselves on social media may take many forms. But the main draw, whether we always acknowledge it, or not, is being seen. While curating our presentation of ourselves on social media might seem shallow or self-absorbed, it’s really not. Who doesn’t long to be seen, valued, and appreciated in their relationships? We should beware, however, of crafting the majority of what we share with others based solely on our “highlight reel”. After all, we are more than just our bright shining moments when looking our best and the most “put together”.
Best Foot Forward
Sharing the highlight reel isn’t inherently the problem, though. The danger emerges when we start consciously or unconsciously equating being seen with only presenting ourselves in the best possible light. Because, in reality, don’t we all really want to be seen and known as humans– in our struggles, as well as in our bright shining, picture-perfect moments?
Presenting only the best sides of ourselves can ultimately cause us to feel alone and unseen. Because who really wants to show the cracks, the breakdowns, and the messes to the world at large? Nobody will “like” our messes, we assume, so we intentionally curate and portray a one-sided view of ourselves, for the benefit of those watching.
The Whole Self
We prevent others from truly seeing us when we curate our image to maximize only our best sides. Our true identity comes from being known and appreciated for the incomplete works in progress that we truly are. We need engagement in real life (IRL) human exchanges to remind us that truly being seen and known means being accepted for who we are in our entirety: messes, imperfections and all. Truly seeing and knowing people encompasses not only the highlight reel, but also the terrible days, personal setbacks, and challenges.
- Carefully curating a social media presence can’t compare to being truly known in real life.
- Find relationships in your life where you feel truly seen and “liked” for the whole of who you are- and find ways to reciprocate with others.
- The real dopamine rush we all so desperately crave comes from being known and valued for who we really are.