Is My Anxiety Normal?
In today’s world, Anxiety affects us all to varying degrees. Yet sometimes, we don’t realize just how much anxiety actually affects our day-to-day lives. So, if you’re like me and asking the question, Is my anxiety normal?, then this article is for you.
To help us explore this question regarding anxiety, I will refer to a good friend of mine, “Michelle” (not her real name), who recently shared her anxiety story with me.
Michelle sighed, “In the past few years, I’ve been so anxious and irritable. I think the pandemic only made things worse in 2020. Everything in life seemed to be overwhelming. I was exhausted thinking about work, of course, but even minor repairs, cleaning, and laundry became overwhelming! When I recently looked back over the past few years of my life, I realized that I’d been pretty miserable. I wasn’t so much fun to be around anymore.”
Michelle continued, “As I was growing up, my mom was always anxious. She was a lifetime worrier. In fact, she’d say, ‘If I don’t have something to worry about, then I’m worried!’ So, I grew up thinking that anxiety was normal, and even good, in the sense that anxiety was somehow necessary as a motivator, and almost a “badge” of a good family member/student/citizen.“
“Up until 2021, I didn’t think about my level of anxiety as abnormal. It was just part of me. This is who I was. I thought everyone was as anxious as me. But in 2021, I guess I hit a tipping point. I really didn’t enjoy my life. I started sharing with my therapist that I wanted to make a change, and joined an online group titled, Managing Anxiety.”
“This group gave me a lot of information, but most importantly, got me interested in daily meditation and mindfulness. I took up daily meditation as a don’t-break-the-chain challenge. I’d read about don’t-break-the-chain as a motivation tool in Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project. That is, I set myself a challenge to meditate for at least five minutes every day. I started that challenge September 7th, 2021, and I haven’t missed a day since! And, meditating daily has made a huge impact in lowering my anxiety, and helping me to be a happier person and an easier person to live with!”
“Then I also started to realize, ‘Hey, my prior level of anxiety wasn’t actually normal. Since Fall 2021, I’ve been a lot happier and far less anxious. I’ve gained self-confidence and self-compassion, and I feel stronger and more capable in this world. Things—work, car trouble, cleaning, laundry—are just routine things now. I don’t get as overwhelmed. I’m able to include more exciting things in my life now—reading interesting books, exploring artwork, painting, doing 3-D puzzles, taking care of plants, and planning trips. I’m regularly enjoying all sorts of exciting and creative outlets in my life.”
I asked Michelle if she could give me an example of her daily mindfulness practice. She said, “I usually set aside about 5 minutes every morning, but at least some time during each day that includes three things. One: I practice a gratitude moving meditation that I heard on the Insight Timer app. Two: I remind myself to be light-hearted about the day—not to take things as seriously as I used to—to include some fun, and look for the funny side of things that happen. Three: to be kind and courteous to everyone, including family, friends, coworkers-everyone I meet. I’m spiritual, so I ask for help to empower me to do these things. These three daily mindfulness practices have made a huge impact on how I show up to the day, and to my happiness every day. And they don’t take long at all.”
Another thing Michelle shared with me, is that while daily mindfulness and meditation have tremendously lowered her anxiety, some days this daily practice is not necessarily enough. She has two “back-up” tools that have been extremely helpful and regulating if strong emotions come up in the day. She said, “Each day, I check in with my body. If I get upset, I’ll try and practice the Emotional Freedom Technique—Tapping tool, as soon as possible. Then, at the end of each day, I’ll check in and ask myself, was there something I was very upset about? And if the answer is ‘Yes,’ I’ll set aside 5 or 10 minutes to do the Five Self-Compassion Prompts tool. Just checking in with myself each day, and using these tools, if needed, to process difficult emotions, has lowered my anxiety level.”
Here are the two “back-up” tools Michelle uses:
Tool #1: Emotional Freedom Technique—Tapping
Internet search using keywords ‘healthline health eft-tapping,’ or use the link:
https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping
Tool #2: Five Self-Compassion Prompts
I invite you to set aside 5 or 10 minutes a day to think back on times you may have felt strong emotions. Choose one incident at a time. Have a journal or electronic page handy and answer the following prompts.Write down the event that happened that you felt upset about and what emotion was prominent. Also note a mix of emotions, if more than one.
1. Write down the event that happened that you felt upset about and what emotion was prominent. Also note a mix of emotions, if more than one.
2. Write down any judgmental thoughts that may have arisen about the emotion. For example, “I shouldn’t have felt that emotion—this shouldn’t
affect me so much.”
3. Now, write about the emotions and situation from an objective point of view. Here we want to practice being non-judgmental. For example, “I was
overwhelmed because I’m feeling like I’m a little kid again.”
4. Next,write down what may have precipitated your response, for example, “Maybe I was extra on-edge today because I didn’t get enough sleep.”
Are there any other factors that may have made you more susceptible to overwhelm.
5. Finally, write down a sentence that contains some kind of affirmation or reassurance for yourself; an example of this could be, “It’s okay that I got
upset. I was tired and not feeling my best, but I know that it is human for me to experience feelings of insecurity and overwhelm. Next time
I will try to….”
So, if you’re like Michelle and notice that more often than not your anxiety leads to feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or difficulty sleeping, perhaps Michelle’s story gives you hope of making a change. Also, consider contacting a therapist to gain hope in making a change to a less anxiety-driven life.
Cathy Barkataki, LMFT
https://sync.org/therapists/cathy-barkataki/