When in Doubt, Try Kindness

By Emily Phifer, M.S. MFT

Be Kind

Many of us have heard the saying, “Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”, attributed to Scottish minister, Ian Maclaren. But even if we’ve heard this message in the past, it bears repeating. How often do we gain an insight or learn a life lesson only to promptly forget it and go on with our lives, until we are faced with the same learning opportunity, yet again? We are all lifelong learners in this regard. 

 

Pandemic Ripple Effects

 

So too are we still learning how to manage the new landscape in which we find ourselves at present as a post/mid-pandemic society. The scale of disruption to our lives due to the pandemic will cause ripple effects for a long time to come. While we may be slowly finding our way back to some version of normalcy, the varied effects of pandemic stress, trauma and uncertainty are surfacing- for all of us. It’s safe to say that no one has been unscathed. Whether we’ve lost loved ones, suffered ill health ourselves, seen mental health decline in our families, workplaces, schools, or struggled to navigate social settings, we’re all feeling it.

 

Nothing is Normal

Behavioral problems and social anxiety are surfacing for children in school settings. Families are struggling to face the holidays with uncertainty about Covid, political divides and general fatigue. While we try to find some baseline for “regular life” again, let’s also acknowledge that nothing is truly normal. 

  The rug has been pulled out from under us for long enough that we’re all collectively experiencing some version of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in trying to live out our lives at present- with the underpinning of the uncertainties that abound. 

 

This brings me back to my original point. Everyone we meet is fighting a hard battle. Really and truly. Walking around with collective and individual trauma means people need more kindness and compassion these days, not less. What kind of ripple effect might we have on our society and world at present by offering the people we encounter our kindness and compassion, including ourselves? Kindness and compassion start with how we treat and see ourselves- and extend out to our other relationships from there.

 

When in Doubt, Try Kindness

People usually have a reason for acting the way that they do, even if we don’t always know the underlying reasons for their behavior. The same is true for each one of us! Let’s practice assuming that everyone is fighting a hard battle, and offer whatever kindness we can to one another, as we continue limping along and finding our way as best we can.  

 

• What kindness have you encountered recently, and from whom?
• Being kind to others never means accepting their abuse or mistreatment of you. 
• Being kind to yourself includes healthy boundaries with other people in your life.
• Who in your sphere of influence could use a dose of kindness in their lives? Start small and offer what you can.
• Extend kindness to yourself, as well as to others. Notice what happens around and within you.