New Normal

By Emily Phifer, M.S. MFT

Emerging from Chaos

We typically think of the phrase “New Normal” as a way of referring to finding a new rhythm and equlibrium in our lives after recovering from some level of chaos and disruption. A new normal can be considered desirable in ways, because it symbolizes reaching a point where the state of normalcy is possible again.  We associate “normalcy” with knowing what to expect, and finding a sense of settledness. But, there is something about the phrase and the idea of a new normal that somehow doesn’t feel congruent to me.

 

Adapting to Loss and Change

I think my own hesitance to ascribe to the idea of a “new normal” encompasses a desire not to forget the past, the challenges surmounted, the losses accrued, the transformation that has maimed us, on the way to reaching this new destination.  And, the new normal we may have arrived at, as hard won as it might be, may not be, and most often is not what we desired in the first place. Acquiring a new normal often indicates that we have been forced to find a new way of life, other than the one we were living before. And, this new destination often involves change and sacrifice of us that we likely did not foresee or actively choose when we set out.

 

Getting Our Bearings

In this stage of recovery in the U.S. from the Covid-19 pandemic, we currently find ourselves tentatively entering a zone of some recognizable level of new normal.  And while we might in some ways see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, we may still have trouble embracing it.  Because, for all intents and purposes, the journey here was nothing short of perilous, fateful, and completely disorienting.  We’ve lost people along the way. We’ve struggled emotionally, socially, spiritually and situationally to adapt to the drastic shifts in our lives outside of our control. All told, we’re simply not the same people we were as when we first encountered this foe and began grappling with the battlefield of Covid-19. 

 

Honor the Past, Adapt to the Present

Adapting to a new normal requires us to acknowledge the relief we may feel at arriving here, while honoring the very real losses we are still grieving as we look to the not so distant past. If you, like me, are feeling on edge at the space we are living in at present, rest assured that it’s very normal not to feel normal right now. If you feel on edge, anxious, socially awkward, hypervigilant, uncertain, fatigued, and cautiously optimistic, you’re in good company.  This new normal is new territory, and all we can do is take one day at a time and navigate it the best we can, as we go. 

 

To Consider:

How are you leaning into the new normal in your life at present?
What did you learn and how did you change while getting here?
What do you wish wasn’t normal, but now is so?

Are you missing elements from your “normal” of the past?