The Grounding of Rituals and Traditions
By Emily Phifer, M.S. MFT
For many of us, a diverse array of family traditions and cultural practices help to define the holidays and give us a grounded sense of celebration and connection to one another from one year to the next. Like with so many other things about this past year, the holidays of 2020 will also be undeniably different, and marred by losses, too. Many individuals, families and communities are looking to the holidays this year with a mix of loss, joy, uncertainty, and guarded anticipation. Budgets are likely less for gifts, gatherings will be fewer, and the hustle and bustle of shopping, public services and events halted by stay at home orders.
While many are grieving losses, and unsettled by the various pandemic ripple effects, there may also be space to cling to some traditions and practices at the holidays that bring us meaning and stability, year after year. Perhaps as we approach the holidays this year, we can practice holding a tension between the very real grief of what we will be/are missing this year, and the possibility of what meaningful traditions and rituals we might still be able to celebrate and enjoy. In fact, perhaps holding on to some important traditions, and even creating new simple ones might season our holiday observances with some hope and beauty, however basic this year. While holiday traditions typically include special events, religious services, foods, choir performances, parties and family gatherings, we will need to make adjustments this year to keep everyone safe, and to seek hope and meaning in our simpler celebrations.
Here are a few ideas from our Sync staff and their families, to inspire you with possibilities:
- New ornament for the Christmas tree (simple/homemade ornaments delight young & old, alike!)
- Candles, music, and lights help to brighten up your physical environment
- Listening to holiday music, or seasonal soundtracks can help lift your spirits
- Driving around to view neighborhood Christmas lights is fun and safe for all ages
- Having hot chocolate or special teas brings grounding and warmth to cold days and nights (Some teas can also have immune boosting effects and health
benefits, an added bonus.)
- Making special family recipes of favorite meals or baked goods brings normalcy and cheer
- Holiday crafts or baked goods to share with neighbors or family members/friends dropped off on doorstep
- Sending cards to loved ones or those who are especially isolated spreads cheer
- Putting up decorations can evoke memories and meaning from years past
- Advent calendar with chocolates or wreath to countdown to Christmas or lighting menorah during Hanukkah keeps anticipation
and sacred practices alive
- Taking a hike or walk in a beautiful place with friends or family in your social bubble helps increase well-being and physical/mental health.
- Stocking hunt on Christmas morning (clues leading kids around house to find a filled stocking)
- Christmas Eve traditional dinner- choose a meal your family loves eating together
- Watch favorite Holiday movies
- Zoom family dinner or gift opening with loved ones from a distance
- Matching pajamas for family, or kids
More than anything else this year, most people are deeply in need of encouragement, spiritual meaning, hope, connection and simple delights to lift the spirits. The holiday season has traditionally been a time when many choose organizations or individuals to support who might be in need of donations or holiday cheer. We invite you to think of at least one other person (or group) in your life or sphere of influence who has tangible needs, whether for a meal provided, a thoughtful card sent by mail, or a yard raked of leaves. Never underestimate how even the smallest gestures of kindness can bring hope and a spark of joy and light to others in these difficult times. Being remembered, and receiving words of encouragement go a long way.
Lastly, when we experience grief at the holidays, we may not feel like doing anything festive whatsoever. In grief, it can take most, and sometimes all of our energy, just to make it through the day. If this is you this holiday season, make space for your grief, go easy, and lower your expectations of yourself.
- Consider finding one or two meaningful activities that will bring you peace and comfort.
- Find some grounding rituals to bring purpose to your day, and do just those few things.
- Give yourself permission to remove the pressure of making this the perfect holiday.
This holiday season likely won’t be perfect for any of us. But, if we make space, perhaps the light of this season can permeate some corner of the darkness, giving us hope and warmth for tomorrow. If an idea from the list above resonates with where you find yourself this season, choose one or two practices that bring meaning and help to connect you to others, to your faith, and to the hope of humankindness.
If you are feeling particularly alone and in need of support, please contact Sync to speak to a therapist.