Start Where You Are, and Go from There
By Emily Phifer, M.S. AMFT
When the Shine Wears Off
We often think about life motivation in the first week or so of January. But if you’re anything like me, you could probably use a little boost of inspiration right about now– Mid- February, when the shine of the new year has worn off a bit, and motivation levels have waned. I won’t be suggesting that we dash all hope of having goals or aspirations. I simply want to recommend: Let’s reevaluate, and recalibrate.
Is Bigger Really Better?
I’ll be honest. When I dragged myself across the finish line of 2021 and wearily embarked upon 2022, I had no high aspirations or goals in my back pocket. I felt, as many of us do, depleted from the pandemic marathon we’ve been living, getting through each day with just enough steam to adequately manage life. The thought of exceeding that basic functioning level to create bigger and better goals for myself for a new year didn’t feel aligned with my diminished mental, emotional, physical and spiritual resource pool. I realized that being honest with myself and my own limitations was a more realistic place to start thinking about where I was headed in the year ahead. I realize that this might sound demotivating, but bear with me for a moment and see if you might relate.
Uncertainty and Exhaustion
We are fatigued. We have been on a rollercoaster of epic proportions for the last two years. And this has taken a toll on each and every one of us to varying degrees. There’s good reason for our fatigue given the many adjustments we have made to our lives, pivots required of us in different seasons of the pandemic, and trying to plan for the future, all while allowing for the various uncertainties that might arise for us at any given time. Given all of this, it can be hard to dream, or even think big. Add to this personal stressors and life changes, and exceeding basic expectations for daily functioning might feel near impossible.
Building Forward
So, as I contemplated the commencement of 2022, I decidedly landed at the lowest common denominator for forward movement that I could muster. The mantra that resonated for me was: Start where you are, and go from there. In acknowledging my limitations and being honest about my lack of motivation towards “bigger and better”, I also spent time recognizing what was already going well and what I wanted to build on for the year ahead. This approach felt less daunting, more gracious- and more attainable. Perhaps this is or will be a helpful mindset for you, too.
Have you ever made a list of what you’re doing well? Start with the basics; no good thing is too small.
-Cleaning out closets and handing down clothes to other families
-Reading daily with your children
-Working towards a home or garden project
-Drinking tea every morning to ground yourself
-Working towards a professional or personal goal in stages
-Being a good friend; showing people love
What’s Working?
More often than not, we rarely acknowledge what’s already going well in our lives, and the areas that we can build upon as a foundation going forward. What momentum do we already have in our lives, and how can we continue on in the same direction without overwhelming ourselves with grandiose (and perhaps unrealistic) plans to surpass anything we’ve ever done before? Do you have professional goals that you’ve been chipping away at, that you can continue in the year ahead? Have you been keeping up an exercise routine that helps to invigorate your days and keeps you moving? Do you have mentors or friends that you can continue making space for in your life? Are there daily rituals that bring you joy that you’d like to keep practicing?
Lean in Gently
Let’s consider starting where we are and building from there as we continue leaning into 2022, in exchange for the typical overhaul of our lives that we expect (or sometimes demand) of ourselves at the start of a new year. How might this more gentle approach change how we see ourselves and others? Chances are, if we can continue expanding on something that’s going relatively well in our lives, we might just get inspired to keep moving forward in empowering and even surprising ways, beyond what we might have imagined.
Take a moment to reevaluate and recalibrate. If you’d like support, please contact our therapy group at Sync Counseling Center (626)-263-7528.