How to Add More Excitement to Your Relationship

by Amy Di Francia


boredom in relationshipsWe all want our relationships to be passionate and exciting, not dull and boring.


Often in the beginning of relationships we feel the excitement strongly – there’s an undeniable spark of attraction and interest, and it seems like this feeling will last forever.


This is sometimes called the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship, and this is also when we may find ourselves falling in love with our partner or starting to envision a life together.


Over time, relationships can begin to feel routine and boring

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while (whether that means a few months or a few years), it’s common for that initial excitement to fade and for you to be left missing those earlier days.


When boredom sinks in and the relationship begins to feel more routine and less passionate, we often find ourselves longing for a way to lift that boredom and inject excitement back in!


How to add more excitement to your relationship

There are a few practical things you can do if you start to miss that “honeymoon phase” and notice your relationship slip into boring:


1 – Normalize.
  • Remind yourself that it’s normal for relationships to have seasons that feel more exciting and seasons that feel more dull.
  • Luckily, feeling bored in your relationship doesn’t automatically mean that the relationship has to end, or that it will never again meet your need for connection and enjoyment.
  • So, take a deep breath and remind yourself you’re not alone in feeling this!


2 – Remind yourself of why you were attracted to your partner in the first place.
  • In long-term relationships, we can start to take our partner for granted and forget all the little things about them that drew us in and used to make our eyes light up and our hearts race.
  • Think about starting a list of all the things you found interesting and exciting about your partner in the beginning of your relationship.
  • Chances are, many of those traits are still present, we’ve just forgotten to notice and appreciate them along the way.


3 – Plan things to look forward to.
  • It’s important to have things on the calendar that both of you can look forward to with eagerness and anticipation.
  • You should plan things in the short-term (like planning a fun date night) and in the long-term (like planning a dream vacation).


4 – Try something new together.
  • Get out of your comfort zone and figure out something new to do together.
  • Get creative – you could take a pottery class, learn a new language, join a community sports league, or cook a new meal together – the sky’s the limit!
  • Ideally whatever you choose should be new to both of you and reflect a common interest.


Relationships don’t have to feel boring forever!

Starting with these simple suggestions can be a way to nudge your relationship back towards those earlier days of passion and infatuation.


Even your willingness to try something new and put these into practice is a positive sign that your relationship won’t be doomed to boredom forever!


Need help? Reach out to the author

Amy Di Francia, MS, LMFT

(626) 921-4930